21.
21.
If I die, don’t pretend like you care, please
I wish I could pay someone to kill me
Even though I had my reasons and you had finalized the decision to take your own life away, it pains me to constantly think of this million-dollar question because really, how would you have responded to me?! Knowing you were planning to take your own life away beforehand. Would me asking you to come visit have saved you? Or would it have only bought me more time with you before deciding to leave me out in this cold world? Being able to analyze everything now that you aren’t here anymore, I was able to figure out that you had been planning to take your own life away for quite some time. Everything made sense after it happened. As your October 5th birthday weekend came to an end and it was time to part ways, I am now able to reflect and understand why you were crying when we were saying goodbye. You knew that was the final goodbye for us, you knew that was the last time you were going to get to hold me tight and kiss me, you knew you had made up your mind to leave this world for good. I wish I would’ve known too, I wish I could have done something to save you but the fire within me reminds me that it is not my fault, and it is not your fault. I acknowledge you were in a severe state of mental illness and it was the poison that managed to take you away from me.
